Psychologist John M. Gottman has been studying the psychology of relationships and their likelihood of success for over 40 years. Throughout his career, he has developed the ability to predict – with a 90% accuracy – the likelihood that a marriage will last beyond the fourth year. Pretty impressive, if you ask me.
So, how does he do it? What does he look for when he makes these predictions?
Mainly two things:
- How the couple handles conflicts.
- How they meet each others’ needs for …
ATTENTION
Yes, attention. For whatever reason (I’m sure this can be dated back to our ancestral hunting and gathering days), human beings crave attention like we crave food and water.
“Attention is other people thinking about you, and if there were ever humans who didn’t need it, they are now extinct.” – Leo Benedictus
Fast forward to the 2000’s, and we have now created an entire world in a small digital box that is arguably entirely meant to satisfy these needs for attention. This craving is therefore reinforced every single time our phone screen lights up.
“Today the Internet is a cesspool of hoaxes and misinformation, deliberately disseminated so that we can’t separate truth from fiction.
Bluntly: they spread lies. About the murders of minors with no regard for the victims or their families.”
— Melissa Ryan (@MelissaRyan) May 18, 2018
Perhaps attention is so important to us because it leads to other reinforcements of positive feelings: belonging, acceptance, importance, and sometimes – superiority.
Internet hoaxes can satisfy all of those feelings: they receive attention, become a part of society, create news, and are most often made to trick people.
Absolutely loathe stupid people who think that making up internet hoaxes is the way to win in politics. It degrades us all.
— Jessica Asato (@Jessica_Asato) August 28, 2009
The cruellest of internet hoaxes: Attention seeking on the internet takes many forms, but the people who hoax on… http://t.co/AJeuzofY
— News and Java (@newsandjava) June 1, 2012
That being said, if a person at home is feeling lonely, unappreciated, ostracized, or insecure – a viral hoax could be the medicine they need.
“They may be people who feel they make no impact on the world, and this is one way they can do that, rather as fire-setters start fires then stand back to admire their handiwork. They see people running around and think `I did that!’– Psychologist Glenn Wilson
other sources:
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/feb/05/crimes-of-attention-stalkers-killers-jihadists-longing
https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-18282277?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter